A Brilliant Idea
by Ebony Glasse
Summary: He wanted to be left alone. They wanted him to get laid. She wanted to know what was going on. ThomxKel Set after Lady Knight
1. Operation 000: To Initiate

**This is the second Tamora Pierce story I've written... and it was initially supposed to be a one-shot but... things got a bit out of hand, especially when I decided to add in characters... It's easy to manipulate Thom's character seeing as he only said one line in Trickster's Choice, and when he was a kid.. well...  
**

**I know that ThomxKel is not a very popular pairing (it's next to completely non-existent) compared to the others, but I just found it... interesting. So I decided to try it out. And although this might be a romance story, you don't see much of Kel until later on. It's more for the comedy, really...  
**

**But no matter what, this story is _not_ going to go anywhere beyond ten chapters! I was supposed to have finished writing this a long time ago then post it up bit by bit, but now I just want it done before my summer holidays end!**

**Hope you enjoy it! Will appreciate all reviews!**

**A Brilliant Idea**

**Prologue  
**

**Operation 000: To Initiate**

**Mid-September, 460 H.E.**

**Fort Steadfast**

"Come on Thom! Aly didn't drag you all the way here just so you could indulge in your mobile library." Keith of Amerath argued to his red-haired friend, who simply referred to another scroll.

"Just because she didn't doesn't mean I won't." Thom replied absently, taking out his small notebook and jotting down an interesting note. Keith had to stop and think in order to absorb Thom's words. When he managed to understand it, he scowled at his best friend. He had half a mind to snatch his scrolls and books away until the wedding, but flashes of Thom's hidden, hereditary temper flashed in his mind. Another one of their friends had tried once, and the result had not been pretty.

"I can't believe you're still at it!" a voice exclaimed before them. Keith turned around to see Estrel, who had been the unfortunate victim of Thom's rage for the first and final time (You see, being University students, they had a brain to use and knew not to repeat mistakes if there was a possibility of their heads being ripped off by the spawn of the Lioness). However, it seemed more often than not that Estrel pushed Thom's boundaries right until they reached the edge, just for the fun of it.

"Neither can I," he heard Thom mumble discreetly. Keith's mouth twitched at the edges – Thom did have his own sullen sense of humour. Estrel, however, had not heard him and pushed the couple conversing opposite Thom apart, scrambled over the table, shoved away all his reading material, dumped his butt beside Thom and forced Thom to look around them. Thom's look of annoyance did not skip Keith's scrutiny, and he took a cautious step back.

"Thom of Pirate's Swoop, may I ask you what you can see around you right now?" Estrel asked, slinging his arm freely around Thom's shoulders, and gestured wildly and freely at the scene before them. The couple he had pushed apart before shot them hostile looks, which all three simply ignored.

"What's the point of asking for permission to a question if you ask the question you requested permission for in the first place anyway?" Thom answered, and while Estrel tried to absorb Thom's wordy reply, Thom took the chance to take in his surroundings properly for the first time.

The mess hall in Fort Steadfast had been converted into a socializing area after dinner. There were several tables that still carried that night's leftover's from dinner, and people either sat on the benches (a select few drunken ones were cart wheeling on the tables) or were walking around, conversing with others. A noble, the King's Own, the Queen's Riders, soldiers, mages, servants…. All sorts of people milled about and mixed. There were even some people from the Yamani Islands – the women wore the _kimono _while the men used their _hakama_ and _haori. _The air was filled with lively chatter and laughter. He could hear the boasts of a King's Own soldier who was around forty feet away, retelling his brave (and most probably exaggerated) story to any female ear willing to listen.

The hall itself had been redecorated in accordance to the wedding that would take place in around three days. At least, it had been redecorated as much as the bachelor men of Third Company were capable of. It was pretty obvious that the more creative ones had been reserved for the courtyard.

"…Seriously Thom, I don't know why you must always make your words so complicated." Estrel whined.

"I see people." Thom said.

"… What?" Estrel replied. Thom heaved a sigh and waved one arm in a pathetic attempt to imitate Estrel from earlier. The corner of Keith's mouth twitched upwards again. Estrel just looked at him as if he was crazy before the gesture registered in his mind. His mouth went into a round 'o' as he finally comprehended it, but quickly turned downward into a scowl as he realized that he was being made fun of.

"…Seriously Thom, can't you get more descriptive than that? The air is _vibrant _with life, and all you can say is that 'you see people'?" He all but screamed the last sentence. "For somebody who reads so much, you have a rather mono outlook on the world!"

"I see a lot of people." Thom continued dully, thinking that Estrel should be introduced to a certain ex-squire of his mother's. They both had a tendency to over exaggerate, be overly dramatic and tug at the patience of mother and son. Estrel let out a huff of indignation, before a seemingly bright idea entered his head, and he let out a maniacal grin. Thom chose to ignore it and withdrew an extra large tome from below the table. Keith looked between the two, amazed that Thom actually managed to sneak the gargantuan book together with all his other scrolls and books into the mess hall, and was also slightly intimidated by the look on Estrel's face.

"I have a _brilliant _idea!" Estrel proclaimed, jumping from his seat.

"No you don't!" Keith immediately protested, dragging Estrel down. No good had ever come out from Estrel's so-called 'brilliant' ideas. Thom, on the other hand, didn't even blink – used to their behavior as he was - and opened his book to a marked page. His fingers nearly broke when Estrel slammed it close – he had barely withdrawn his hands in time. He glared at Estrel, but he should have saved his strength. Estrel shoved his ecstatic face into Thom's.

"You, Thom of Pirate's Swoop, are going to get laid." He declared with earth-shattering confidence.

Thom only raised an eyebrow. Keith stared.

That was how it began.


	2. Operation 001: To Accede

**A Brilliant Idea**

**Operation 001: To Accede**

Thom squinted against the morning sun – something he had been deprived of for quite some time as he was usually cooped up in his room. He inhaled the fresh morning air and reveled in the sort of calm that only came to him in the morning. This was one of the few times when he wasn't up in the morning solely because he had spent the whole night with his books – he had _slept _(the action of closing one's eyes and resting the mind and body) and woken up in the morning, not afternoon. The men-at-arms were doing their training; the servants were doing their laundry; a certain student was standing blankly around, trying not to look lost and out of place, and failing miserably.

He knew he shouldn't have chosen the stupid flamboyant cloak Estrel had black mailed him into using the night before.

Munching a bit of breakfast he begged from the kitchens (trying to pretend that they were not ogling at him because he was such an esteemed student, and not because of the stupid cloak), he passed by the practice courts on his way to the stables - where he was supposed to meet Estrel and Keith – and stopped for a moment. He had spent a lot of his childhood around these areas, either following his mother or Roald and Kalasin, but had abandoned them as he grew up to pursue his books. Not many people were out yet – it was _very _early – but he could see that some of the more hardworking ones were already…

A flash of steel caught his eye.

Graceful, lethal, captivating, fatal, mesmerizing, dizzying… An auburn head expertly handled the _naginata_ in her hands with skill that was as good as, or perhaps even better, than when in the hands of a Yamani. He could tell that she wasn't an Islander and was probably about half a head taller than him, but that was just about it. Her movements were so fast that he could barely see her face, but… he couldn't recall seeing her anywhere. He had no idea how long he stood there, staring, looking even more stupid then he was clever.

She either didn't mind, or didn't notice, as she didn't pause. He supposed it was the latter, since she only seemed to realize he was around when she finally paused in her deadly dance. By then, however, he had already broken out from his trance - he had snapped out of it when the dust around her had settled as she slashed the air for the final time. When she turned around to see who had been watching, he was already walking away. He wondered for a moment if his cloak had added a dramatic flair, flapping and swishing in the breeze as he walked away – then scowled as he realized that it was the sort of thing that only Estrel would think about.

He must have had put some sort of spell on the cloak.

Five minutes later, Thom found himself at the stables, the memory of the girl pushed to the back of his mind. Estrel had said that he would meet him here at exactly this time. He had never been known for his punctuality, so Thom wasn't surprised by his absence. He didn't get much sleep last night, but it wasn't anything new. The bags under his eyes, however, made him look like a man in his thirties rather than a seventeen-year-old adolescent. Idly he wondered if the cloak would make him look younger and far more dashing, especially if he decided to grow out a goatee… and then proceeded to take the cloak off and stamp on it, destroying un-Thom like thoughts and all the very Estrel-like thoughts that may or may not have accompanied it.

Accomplishing that (the remains of the cloak stayed on the floor, incinerated by his Gift), he leaned against the wall, and let his mind wander to pass the time. He ended up dozing a little, even with the stable hands walking pass, some of them snickering. Last night's tale – that had been further amplified by Keith - was not going to be forgotten easily.

Hovering between sleep and consciousness, he thought back to how he ended up going on with Estrel's 'brilliant' idea.

_Keith, of course, immediately protested the moment he realized that Estrel was serious. Thom, on the other hand, simply scoffed and returned to his book. With Estrel and Keith arguing over his head, Estrel had removed his hand from Thom's book. He barely registered their argument – he had mastered the technique of tuning them out, but paying enough attention so that in the small chance where they turn to him to judge, he would have something to say that made sense. _

_"Seriously Estrel – just leave it!"_

_"Why are _you _so concerned over him _not_ getting laid?"_

_"That's not the point! The point is this – you're _'brilliant' _idea_. _Need I remind you the number of times we got into deep shit just because of them?"_

_"Are you just jealous because you won't be the one to deflower our dear friend here?"_

"Estrel!"

_Thom would usually not care about what they said, but this was pushing it. He knew people were listening – the amount of coughing, sputtering, guffawing and stunned faces was enough to tell him that their argument had got the attention of more people than he would like. Among them, Aly. Her lips quirked in amusement – she didn't need her lip-reading abilities to find out what was said, even with her all the way at the other end of the hall. Even the couple opposite them had turned their heads and was shamelessly watching them._

_"Estrel, Keith." He said mildly, but there was a frostiness to his tone. It immediately got their attention, and they flinched as his eyes bored into theirs. Keith was the first to regain his bearing._

_"Thom, it's his fault! I don't want a repeat of the spewing trashcan incident, the bathhouse incident and _especially _not the loitering latrine incident! You know how all his 'brilliant' ideas turn out – they turn out to be anything but!"_

_"Hey! I resent that!"_

_"You _would!"

_"Each time I want to try something new you stop me from doing it because 'you know best'. Who're you to tell me – my Momma? You won't know how it'll turn out until you try it out, right?"_

_"I've let you try one time too many! You can't involve Thom in this time – what if he ends up with something permanently damaged? Nothing has ever walked away from your 'brilliant' ideas unscathed! Mr. Mumble still has green fur, might I remind you!"_

_"I'm just trying to make Thom happy! Besides, green suits Mr. Stumble – he's sick half the time anyway! Nobody noticed the difference!"_

_"What if he doesn't _want _to get laid? And Mr. Mumble was fine before you tampered with him! Seeing as you can't even remember a simple name shows how distorted your head is – and you expect us to trust you with your ideas!"_

_"_Every man wants to get laid! _My name suits that rodent of yours better anyway – he turned green because he _stumbled_ into my cauldron!"_

_"Have you ever thought that maybe Thom was saving himself was hot, wild passionate honeymoon sex? And are you really a University student? Mr. Mumble is a _cat. _He is a _feline!"

_"Hot wild passionate _awkward _sex! I was only emphasizing that your little critter is more of a pest than anything! Thus the word rodent! Do you not know of the simile?"_

_"Maybe Thom-!"_

"Maybe Thom would like the both of you to shut the hell up." _Thom had then hissed – everyone within a ten foot radius was watching and listening shamelessly – his Uncle Raoul among them, who was laughing out loud shamelessly. "Keith – I can speak up for myself, thank you very much… at a volume that will not inform the whole wide world about what the hell we're talking about. Estrel, it's a _metaphor, _not simile. Get a real education, shut up and don't even think about thinking."_

_By tomorrow, he was going to hear all sorts of rumors, from him being gay to having no libido and that his real hair color was green – he just dyed it red._

_The last one had been about Keith's cat, but that was just the way rumors were._

_The bottom line though, was that everyone would know that he wasn't getting any._

To save himself from further humiliation, he had decided to shut Estrel up by agreeing to his 'brilliant' idea. To keep Keith happy, the 'brilliant' idea had been toned down a little. Estrel had agreed to start small and was extremely ecstatic (as he had so loudly proclaimed on their way back to their rooms, informing more people and fuelling the rumors even further), while Keith had still passively resisted the decision (as Thom saw when he saw Keith creeping out from Estrel's room last night. When he peeked in later, Estrel had the word 'IMPOTENT' scrawled in the latest permanent neon-green-ink from the University).

The final decision, though, was enough to please both parties, and if both parties were happy, so was the third – namely, him (even if the whole thing revolved around him, two other people were dictating it). It wasn't because of the _'If my friends are happy, so am I!'_ reason, but it was more like the _'If my friends are happy, they would shut up and my reputation may be salvaged'_ reason. It wasn't that bad though, compared to how things usually turned up when Estrel and Keith were put together. They were going to take things slowly. The initial step didn't seem too bad.

After all, how hard could _flirting_ be?

* * *

**Thank you to all my readers and reviewers! It means so much to me! **

**I have to go back to school this Sunday! T-T It'll be harder for me to update since I'm in boarding school and I don't have a laptop, but I'll be sure to get the job done! XD**

**Just a short note: The line '**_**hot, wild, passionate, awkward, honeymoon sex'**_** came from a **_**facebook **_**group I came across when I had nothing better to do!**


	3. Operation 002: To Listen

**A Brilliant Idea**

**Operation 002: To Listen  
**

"Okay, look, I've got it all planned out for you. Just go up to some hot girl and chat her up – if you don't know what to say, I've prepared this for you as reference-" Estrel flapped the pieces of paper in his hands that appeared to be a whole bunch of pick-up lines. Thom couldn't really get to see what was written, but he managed to read a line that went somewhere along the lines of: _'My love for you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in!'_ (Thom highly doubted if any girl would be charmed by that), "-and I am confident you'll have them falling head over heels for you in no time!" Estrel proclaimed, a solid hour and half later than they were supposed to meet (he defended himself by saying that he had the right to be late, seeing as how Thom had destroyed his favorite cloak. Thom couldn't be bothered to argue anymore).

The fact that he had a huge block of black ink on his forehead (to cancel out the word 'impotent' in permanent ink), bright purple hair (that was an honest accident on Keith's part) and was flapping his arms like a chicken about to be slaughtered drew quite a lot of attention. With the events of last night's messy mess hall scenario fresh in everyone's mind, not a few slowed down or stopped to watch, hoping for another spectacle like the previous one that had occurred in less than 12 hours ago.

Thom, on the other hand, who had experienced several of Estrel's bouts of confidence only to have all his self-proclaimed brilliance thwarted by his idiocy, and who would also be the inevitable victim of this plan's conclusion, was not as eager. All of Estrel's plans' had started this way before it all crumbled to nothing. Keith probably had the same thought in his mind as he snatched the list of lines from Estrel.

"'_Did you fart?'Cause you blow me away!'_... _'Your eyes are as blue as my privy water at home,'_... _'I would like to put U between F and CK…'_… Estrel, where and how the _hell _did you come up with these? They're more likely to pulverize him – unless you haven't noticed, almost every woman here knows isn't a conservative who's simply going to flap her fan at Thom if he insults them. They could do serious damage!" Keith hollered.

"This will aid Thom in improving his reflexes, thus gaining a more desirable macho body, muscles and the whole package that comes with. A recent survey showed that ladies between the ages of seventeen and twenty five prefer men who are buff and who wield mighty swords in comparison to short, copper haired seventeen year old young men who have a Lioness mommy. Sorry Thom, you lost by about 99.7 to 0.3. Do you want to know who voted for you?" Estrel said. His voice was loud enough that the closer audience had heard him, and were laughing and guffawing out loud. "I know the results are sad but-!"

He stopped as Keith kicked him in the shin. "Would you shut up already? Can't you see that Thom's disappeared!?" he hollered.

While the other two turned around stupidly, wondering when their friend had simply walked off, Thom himself was watching from a safe distance. He had managed to slip out earlier under the cover of a cloaking spell.

Back at ground zero, Estrel had probably asked how he did it, as Keith announced to anyone in a twenty meter radius that it must be because Thom was so short. Thom groaned inwardly – trust Keith to announce to the whole world what he was saying. Slowly, and as inconspicuously as possible, he crept even further away, making sure that his spell was still intact.

When he was safely out of their visual range, he deactivated the spell, startling a nearby servant who jumped, sloshing the contents of her bucket. Some of it sprinkled onto his shirt.

"I-I'm sorry, milord! I'll get it clean right away!" she apologized. Thom declined with a wave of his hand as he used the other to clean up the mess with a simple spell.

"It's alright..." he started, then stopped when he realised that she was staring at him, a small look of awe on her face. There was a blush dusting her cheeks as well. "...Yes?"

"W-Well, milord, I'm sorry if I offend you in asking this but... are you not the young mage who was involved in last night's... spectacle?" she asked tentatively.

Thom stared.

"...Why do you ask?" he asked. Immediately, she flushed an even darker shade of red, and began to look uncomfortable.

"Um... it really is not my place... servants' gossip, is all... Good day to you, milord. And I am terribly sorry for-..." she gushed out evasively, already moving backwards. Thom, however, gripped her lower arm firmly to stop her from escaping. Her face, quite amusingly, suddenly became deathly pale compared to before.

"What is it?" he asked softly. "I'll be able to tell if you lie." That part itself was a lie, but there was a higher possibility that she would answer truthfully. That, and his reputation might actually exceed his actual prowess. He wouldn't be surprised if the story expanded into him forcing her into telling the truth by calling an un-dead beast. It wasn't the truth, but that was just the way rumours went.

"I... uh... well... overheard a few of the other maids saying that you... um..." her eyes darted around nervously, trying to find the right words that wouldn't offend someone of his position.

"Yes?" he said, less patient now.

"That you aren't exactly straight." She blurted out.

Thom jaw dropped.

He would have interrogated her some more, except that he heard Estrel's and Keith's voices approaching as they argued about the colours of his loincloth and also returned to the ridiculous topic of Keith's cat. He gave a short curse, let the girl off, and zoomed off to wherever safety might lie. As he escaped the scene, he heard the snatches of a conversation...

"...think that was the kid... copper hair..."

"...already made a move on one girl..."

"...thought he was queer?"

He ran even faster.

When he finally decided to take in his surroundings, he realised that he was around the practice courts.

For a moment he felt a wave of nostalgia come over him. Thom had greatly neglected his training when he entered the University. His mother reminded him every month in all the letters she sent him, but he skipped that part – sort of the way he tuned out Keith and Estrel during their arguments, except that it was written. He didn't have time for it, not with all his studies. Aly sometimes managed to drag him out into the sunshine and force a practice sword into his hand or (painfully) remind him about hand-to-hand combats, but it was difficult to bribe and coerce him outdoors, even for _her._

He leaned against a tree, which conveniently provided shelter. He watched his childhood friend, Prince Roald of Conté, spar with one of the King's Own soldiers. The soldier appeared to be tiring, and Roald seemed to gaining the upper hand. Their swords glinted in the sunlight-…

_Graceful, lethal, captivating -…_

He blinked a few times, reeling back to reality.

_Fatal, mesmerizing, dizzying…. _

Thom gulped and looked away from the naked metal. It was like trying to push an extremely interesting article from his mind – he would shove it to the back of his thoughts to focus on current matters, but when something made him recall it…

He frowned and looked away to see if something else would be more interesting. His head did a 37 degrees anti-clockwise turn (in other words, he turned to the left), and found himself staring into the hazel eyes of his dear sister. He blanched and jumped about a foot into the air – he hadn't noticed she was there. She only gave him a lazy grin that spoke volumes.

"So... brother dear..." she purred. It was the sort of purr a cat would give when it knew that it had a rat cornered... if they purred then instead of growled. "I have heard some very, very interesting things about you lately that I would never have even thought _possible_ had it not been for last night's interesting... scene."

"Really? You know, Aly, rumours can be a very misleading source of information-..." he began, trying to stave off the inevitable.

"Ah, but they all hold a shred of truth, brother dearest..." she grinned slyly. Thom tried to think about all the things that Estrel and Keith had announced last night, wondering which point he should deny first. Unfortunately, his numb brain only recalled the memory of two monkeys arguing over his head along with not so few murderous thoughts. There was that quote... what was it again? Ah, yes...

_People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel..._

How very, very true.

Before he could say anything, though, Aly cut through his thoughts.

"But, hey, that can't be true, right? I mean, there was that time when you told me about… what's-her-name? Ah, yes, Liara, right? Didn't you say that the two of you… y'know…?" her voice dropped down to a suggestive tone.

He stared at her blankly.

When did _that _ever happen?

…

Of course.

_Estrel._

It had happened, not quite several months ago, when the birds were singing, the flowers blooming, there were experiments were exploding and... Estrel started thinking. Thom had been walking down the hallway, heading down to where the Carthaki archives were, his nose buried in a very detailed account about the after-effects of substitution spells. Aly then _might_ have come up to him and interrogated him so that she could say something about how he was to their mother and Da back home, and he _might_ have replied that the unstable conditions of trying to remove an object from its natural surroundings and replacing it with something from a foreign environment could cause a disruption to the whole ecosystem which would lead to all of their eventual deaths, and Estrel just _might _have come up at that very moment and thought that he would lend a helping hand, and then…

… Liara, a cheerful, happily married 54-year-old scholar who regularly baked biscuits for her faculty, has seven children and two grandchildren _might_ have stopped by and gave her usual polite hello, and she _might_ have become a source of inspiration for…

Estrel, being the wonderful friend he was, thought that his good friend, Thom of Pirate's Swoop, needed any sort of intervention to get his sister of his back, and had said something along the exact lines of, _"Oh, yes, he's much happier now. Especially ever since he added some colour into his life with… Liara! Mithros, you know, some nights I can't sleep until they get the whole job done… they're so loud, and even if they weren't, the creaking sounds of his bed are simply-!"_

Keith had interrupted by assaulting Estrel with Mr. Mumble. The damage had been done though – Aly had dutifully reported to their mother (she was only a tattle-tale if the story was… _interesting_ enough to get the attention of their fierce, overworked mother). It was lucky that Liara was one of the top five most common names in the University – 54 year old Liara who baked biscuits was safe.

21 year old sexy Liara - who was believed to have slept with three quarts of all male specimens in the University whether on two legs or four and was believed to have contracted three different STD's - was not. She was very confused when she received a letter from the Lioness, warning her off her son. When she had confronted said son, he had simply told her that it could not be possible for cosmic energies to interfere with life below the sky as there was a sort of barrier that separated the type of magic used by them and whoever was out there. In other words, he had not paid any attention to her.

She simply decided that the letter had either been a prank or had gotten lost in the mail. After all, she wasn't the only Liara in the University.

"You always had a thing for older girls, huh?" she nudged – jabbed – him with her elbow (where the pointy part of her knife blade happened to _coincidentally_ be hidden. His sister wouldn't want to hurt him intentionally, even for the sake of information… right? _Right_?). The action pulled him out from his reverie, and he tried to focus on what his sister was trying to tell him. "I mean, first it was Kalasin, and there was also that time when Alan and I were quite sure you had a thing for Maude-..."

_"Excuse _me?"

"Well, yeah, I mean there was that time when we saw you looking at her and there was this look on your face-..." Aly started, but Thom just clapped his hand over her mouth. He did not even want to think about what she was about to say.

"Aly, what do you _really _want?" he snapped, slowly removing his hand from her mouth. He knew she could have simply twisted him around and have him in the dirt with her heel on his head in a matter of seconds if she chose to, except that...

His little sister wanted something.

"Oh, it's simple, really. I just want in with whatever it is you three stooges are up to." She replied, shrugging carelessly. Her hazel eyes, however, glinted with a sort of mischief. "And just to secure my position... if you don't let me in, I'll just continue to fan the flames of the rumours regarding your... sexual orientation."

* * *

**I am really, really sorry about this slower update, but things are just going to get worse. School just started again this week, and if I didn't even have time to upload this chapter when it's been done for awhile... I'm really, really sorry but I think the next update might take another two weeks or so... This is just the first week so things are pretty hectic, but I sincerely hope and think I won't be so swamped later on...**

**Just to clear up something **_**Aly-of-Tortall13**_** mentioned that some of you might be confused about as well… Aly's still in Tortall coz she still hasn't left for the Copper Isles yet. It only happens two years from the end of _Lady's Knight_ (460 H.E.). Aly's story in **_**Trickster's Choice**_** began in 462 H.E..**

**And yes, Thom is a year younger than Kel, give or take a few months.**

**I did my research! XD **

**Thank you all for your lovely reviews! D**


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